Practice Being Alone

One of the most important hurdles I had to overcome in the last couple of years was taking time for my Self. As a husband and father, my family is my ultimate priority and I would always sacrifice my needs for theirs. As a financial advisor, the relationships with my clients are built on trust and serving them at a high level—which means putting their needs before mine. I think most of us tend to operate from a server’s mindset and we often place the needs of others before our own.

I was able to maintain this selflessness for years but as I added more to the list of things I was doing, I began to see the impact of putting everyone’s needs before my own.

Physically, mentally, and emotionally I had become drained (I didn’t realize the latter two until later) and finally reached a breaking point that forced me to accept what a mentor had told me a few years prior—I couldn’t be my best for everyone else if I wasn’t at my best.

I was actually doing a massive disservice to the people I cared about the most by not taking the time I needed for my Self. By making my Self a priority, I would be able to be the best version of myself, even if it meant the world got an hour or two less of me each day. What I realized is while the world would get less of my time, because I was taking some for my Self, it would get MORE of me because I was now at my best for everyone else–I would be able to give the world a smaller dose of me but with a higher concentration.

Once I began this shift in my mindset, I focused on getting back to regular workouts and falling in love with yoga, meditating, spending less time on devices, journaling, spending as much time outside as possible (this is being written from my patio on a beautiful spring Sunday morning). To my surprise, it does not take a lot of actual time, as in hours in the day, to prioritize my needs and I have discovered a bit of a hack (since we live in a world that loves hacks) to take back even more of my time for my Self…

Being alone.

I don’t mean being in isolation and away from people, although sometimes that is necessary. Instead, I mean being alone mentally by not welcoming distractions into your mind when you have some time to yourself.

Walking to the coffee shop. Making breakfast for the boys while they are still in bed. Writing my Daily Notes. Working on the update of a financial plan. Driving to my office. Cutting the grass.

These are all activities that I would typically listen to some music or podcast, watch a YouTube video, or make a phone call while doing. But now, I will sometimes just do nothing in those situations—I will just be alone—alone physically but more importantly, mentally. 

The more time I’ve spent meditating, practicing yoga, and journaling I’ve improved my ability to sit with a still mind and in these moments of being alone I often find my mind completely still. That may not seem like a big deal but I used to be someone who had a million thoughts a minute running through my mind—I still have moments where this occurs but more and more I find my mind being able to relax and be still. In these moments of “aloneness,” I’ve found opportunities to steal even more time back from the world—time I would have physically been alone but mentally distracted. 

Finding time for your Self is difficult in today’s world—after you prioritize time each day for your spirit, mind, and body it might be challenging (or guilt-ridden) to take an additional half hour or more to be still in your mind. Try doing some of the tasks you normally do while listening to Spotify, watching YouTube, or chatting on the phone without picking up your device. Early on you will probably still notice your mind racing around and that is ok and normal…but the more time you spend “alone” the quieter things will become. 

Eventually, you will find stillness; in this stillness will come clarity, openness, and a sense of calmness that will help you be the best version of your Self. It won’t happen at first and then one day you’ll realize your mind is completely still and free–but it won’t happen if you don’t practice being alone.

See you tomorrow and keep pursuing,

JC