Being Selfess Can Be Selfish
Recently, I exchanged DM’s with a friend who just welcomed his first child to his family. He shared how that morning he escaped to his local coffee shop for some time to himself and while there he thought about my Friday morning routine with the boys–we always go to the local coffee shop for donuts, bacon, egg, and cheese bagels, and coffee for me. He questioned afterward whether or not he should have brought his little one with him.
I told him it wasn’t bad to visit the coffee shop alone and that there would be plenty of opportunities as his son gets older to create his own Friday morning routine. Plus, there was no reason to bring a newborn out toward the end of flu season if it wasn’t necessary. My friend is a lot smarter than I am, but I have some experience as a father for over 12 years now so I thought I’d share some unsolicited advice with him.
Of the few pieces of advice I shared, the most important was to encourage him to not be afraid to make time for himself. In order to be the best husband and father for his family he has to be operating at his best, and that is not possible if he’s not prioritizing his health and well-being.
Taking an hour to get a workout in, or taking 30 minutes to go for a mind-clearing walk, or making sure to get proper rest, well as much as possible with a newborn in his case, does not make you selfish. It took me well over 11 years of being a father to realize my desire to be selfless for my family was actually keeping me from being the best version of my Self. In fact, my selflessness was actually turning into me being selfish–that doesn’t sound right, I know. But it was my selfish desire to be selfless and put everyone before me that was keeping me from being the best father and husband I could be.
There is a line you can cross by spending too much time on your Self but I’ve found it’s easy to avoid coming close to it and still give your Self the attention it deserves. We waste a lot of time each day scrolling social media, commuting, and completing other tasks that do not move us toward our authentic life–simply reallocate some of this wasted time to your workouts, sleep, cooking, journaling, meditation, etc. and your day really hasn’t changed much which leaves you the same time, if not more, for the important people in your life.
Prioritizing your spirit, mind, and body is not selfish and will help you give more to your family, friends, clients, and career when you are with them and since they are getting the best version of YOU they won’t be bothered if they get a little less of your time–the quality of your time becomes more valuable than the quantity of your time.
See you tomorrow and keep pursuing,
JC
