when high school became a business decision

Late last year, Roman (and our family) had a pretty big decision to make as a fourteen-year-old.

Would he attend the high school we are districted for and that he’s always thought he’d attend–the high school where all his friends would be going?

-or-

Would he attend the rival high school in our district to further pursue his lifelong dream of playing college basketball and eventually pro ball in Europe?

Yes, the high school we’ve always thought he’d go to has a basketball program, so it’s not as if going there would keep him from pursuing his dream, but there is a significant difference between the two basketball programs, and as someone who played basketball through college, it’s night and day.

In our school corporation, we have the opportunity to choose which high school we want our children to attend; each high school offers slightly different academic and performance arts tracks, so it’s not uncommon for students to opt for the high school they are not districted for. But, for the most part, most kids don’t opt to switch to the other school.

As we got closer to the time that the decision needed to be made, I reached out to a few people I trusted to get their opinion; I was pretty sure that I knew the right decision for Roman if he was serious about his Pursuit of basketball. But still, I wanted to make sure I didn’t have blinders on and wasn’t missing anything. Everyone I talked to said if Roman wanted to play in college, the other high school’s coaching staff would have him better prepared for the college game. I’m not going to lie, it felt good that I appeared to be right in my assessment and that I was receiving confirming votes of confidence from people who really know the game and Indiana high school basketball. 

Although it was easy for me to see the best choice for Roman, at times I felt a little guilty that he had to make this decision. When I was in high school, you didn’t get to choose where you went–you went wherever you were districted to go. If you wanted to change schools, your family had to pick up and move so that you lived in that school’s district. A small part of me wished that was the case, because as much as I wanted him to play for the coaching staff at the other school, I wasn’t going to move across town to make that happen. But, we had the option–we had the choice, and as his dad it was (and will always be) my responsibility to put him in the best position to achieve his goals–assuming that’s what he wants.

When I looked at the two programs, knowing the game, it was clear to me which staff would have Roman best prepared for college, assuming that is still his goal in four years:

It was the staff that had a mindset coach that worked with the players.

It was the staff that had a legit strength and conditioning coach. 

It was the staff that held closed combines where college coaches came to watch the players go through workouts. 

It was the staff that taught the players to play a college style of basketball, even though it’s much harder and requires more from the players.

It was the staff that commands the players' respect–not because it’s forced, but because it’s earned by how they pour into the players. 

It was the staff who consistently had players playing basketball in college.

It was the staff whose team plays the most enjoyable basketball to watch. 

It was the program with two D-1 guards two years ahead of Roman that he will practice against and learn from.

It was the program where iron sharpens iron.

Some might think the choice was obvious because the school won the state championship last year, finished this season undefeated, and are the favorites to win state again–they’d be wrong. For me, last year’s championship and this year’s season had no influence. Those results only confirmed the importance of what I just listed above and why the program is the right one for Roman.

What’s Easy For Me, Isn’t As Easy For Roman

It’s not lost on me that while it should be an easy decision for Roman from a basketball standpoint, he is fourteen years old and friends, especially for the social butterfly that he is, are just as important to him; to ask him to make a decision about the next four years of his life, knowing it could significantly impact the rest of his life is heavy for a fourteen-year-old. 

But, I believe he handled the responsibility of the decision well.

I’m sure you can tell by the tone of this writing, the decision that Roman made—fully supported by Ang, Leo, Silas, and me…he chose to make high school a business decision and go to the school that will have him best prepared to continue pursuing his dream.

I was proud of him when he made the decision.

I’m even more proud of him now.

Let me explain…

The initial decision was an easy one because of how far removed from the actual change Roman was; it was exciting to think about going to the other high school after we talked about the academics being just as good, the coaching staff and their approach to the game, and the bigger picture of his goals all while he’s still playing with his longtime friends and going to school with them. 

At that time he had the best of both worlds.

Yet, he couldn’t fully appreciated the weight of the decision; it was far enough away that I don’t think he truly had the understanding of leaving all of his friends in Pursuit of his basketball dreams, but as we get closer to the end of the school year, I think he’s starting to feel the social impact of his decision. I’m not worried for him because I know he knows kids at the other high school, he already has his teammates over there as friends as well, and he’ll have no trouble making new friends. Plus, he’ll be able to maintain the friendships that matter the most, if he (and they) genuinely want to, and I believe they will. 

Socially, he will be fine, even if he’s a little nervous at times, which I think he is as I can see some uncertainty creep up from time to time. He’s made a few comments in passing, mainly when he’s mad at us for disciplining him, that he’s scared to leave his friends and start a new school. While I don’t discount his feelings and what he’s saying to us, I also know kids are smart and learn how to get at their parents when they are upset. 

I don’t doubt there is a little fear of the unknown, as there should be, BUT he’s not saying this when he comes home from practice with his new teammates for their spring league or after their games. He’s hyped AF when he’s in basketball mode with his new teammates, which was the reason for the decision. That is what confirms to me that he made the right decision.

Protecting Our Kids

Most parents want to shelter and protect their kids to prevent them from having to navigate fear and uncertainty—I’m certainly guilty of this. In the case of Roman, they might think “it’s just basketball” and want to shelter them from the discomfort of changing schools, dealing with maintaining friendships, the possible smart-ass comments that might come from peers, making new friends, and joining a basketball program that has a ton of talent and competition. But, Roman has loved basketball since he started crawling—there’s plenty of pictures and videos of him on my Instagram and old Facebook pages that show how he’s been destined to play basketball and when you are pursuing your authentic life, even when you’re in your teens, you will sometimes have to take harder paths than others.

Roman is certainly taking the harder path—and yes, Roman has a very PRIVILEGED life and he should thank his Guardian Angels that his toughest decision and biggest obstacle in life to this point is choosing what high school to go to. I’m well aware of this, but that doesn’t remove his need to handle the fear and uncertainty–Ang and I have worked extremely hard to put him, and the other boys, in this position.

It’s the harder path because it’s uncomfortable. 

It’s the harder path because it wasn’t what he grew up thinking it would be–it’s a change.

It’s the harder path because the talent at his position is tougher.

It’s the harder path because of the demands of the coaching staff.

It’s the harder path because it’s not what others would do.

It’s the harder path because it’s uncertain.

Teaching Moment

Roman and I recently discussed this harder path and how his nervousness and uncertainty confirm that he is on the right path. I told him about Brian Whetten’s Yes Yes Hell No and that the “Hell No” he sometimes feels means he made the right decision; it’s the Hell No that provides the opportunity for growth. It’s the Hell No that keeps most people from pursuing their dreams. 

I reminded him of his comment to me after the first talk in this year’s Keep Pursuing Series–he told me that his main takeaway from the talk was that we shouldn’t get too comfortable and too complacent. This decision pushed him out of his comfort zone and will only lead him to grow as a person and basketball player—he was putting the lesson learned into action, which is what we are supposed to do.

I told him I hope this experience helps him to trust following the discomfort in the future and not to shy away from a little uncertainty and fear because that is usually a sign that you are moving in the right direction.

I’m confident that Roman made the right business decision when it comes to his basketball career and even more sure he made the right decision in his journey of personal growth. Time will tell how it will all play out, but I’m willing to bet in four years he’s going to look back so thankful for the decision he made. This will be an experience that will help him build a trust in his intuition, to be unafraid to move in the direction of his authentic life, and avoid the unknown of change.

One of my hopes as a father is that I help Roman, Leo, and Silas learn important life lessons well before I learned them; if I can help them understand what I have learned sooner than I did, then I’ll be helping set them up to live their authentic live and control their destinies.

For this one I did my part and will continue to support him…the ball is in his court.

Until next time…keep pursuing,

JC