find the confidence to be you

Twice this week I got to have an important conversation with Silas. Funny enough, both conversations were fashion-related and while first-grade fashion is hardly a big deal, they allowed me to hopefully begin to help Silas understand an important lesson…

To always have confidence in his Self.

The first conversation came on Thursday when it was flannel day at school. He got dressed in his black jeans, his new low-top Chuck Taylors, and a button-up flannel with a built-in hood, stood in front of the mirror, and professed, “I love my outfit!”

Big smile. Confidence on high.

When Ang came home from dropping him off at school, she said that in the drop-off line, Silas got very concerned about whether or not other people would be wearing flannels and what people might say about his outfit–if you don’t have kids in grade school through high school, most kids these days are wearing hoodies, sweats, and tees every day–the fashion show of school looks a lot different than when I was growing up. So, for Silas, wearing a button-up flannel would be breaking the typical dress code that everyone adheres to.

He told Ang he didn’t want to wear his flannel anymore, but he got out of the car with the outfit he started the day loving.

Fast forward to the after school…

I wrapped up a call and met Ang and Silas walking down the street from the bus stop–Silas wasn’t wearing his flannel shirt. I asked him what had happened and where his shirt was, and he told me he was the only one wearing flannel, so he took it off.

I told him it made me sad to hear that he stopped loving his outfit because he worried about what other people might think. I asked him if he remembered how he felt when he looked in the mirror in the morning and that he shouldn’t let anyone take that feeling away from him–if something makes him feel good and he likes the way he looks, then he should wear that (unless his mom or I tell him he needs to change 😀). I explained how I wanted him to always have the confidence to be his Self and not to change because of what others MIGHT think.

I also explained to him that I thought his outfit was fire too–so much that I dressed to match him that day.

My second opportunity to talk to Silas about finding his confidence in his Self and not from others was Friday morning.

Over fall break, Silas and Ang spent a few days at Disney World. During one of their down afternoons, they went to Disney Springs to do a little window shopping. Silas found a pair of tennis shoes he liked, but the store didn’t have his size. When they got back home, we ended up ordering the shoes online because we knew how much he liked them.

Friday morning, he put on his new shoes and was excited to wear them; as we were heading out to our Friday date at the coffee shop before school, Silas said to me, “I hope ‘so-and-so’ likes my shoes.”

I cringed.

“What happens if they don’t?”

“I don’t know.”

“Would that mean that you shouldn’t like them?”

“No.”

“Good. Remember, if you like them, that’s all that matters. You have your own style and things that you like. While it’s kind to consider others, and there is a time to make decisions considering how others might feel, when it comes to wearing things you like, don’t worry about what others think. Most people don’t have the confidence to wear what they really like, and I don’t want that to be you. I think your shoes look dope, and I’m glad you love them.”

Thankfully, Silas didn’t get off the bus in his socks or mention anything about his friends not liking his shoes.

I know there are many more similar convos in the coming years with all three boys, and some of them will be more serious than fashion, but I’m hopeful through these innocent conversations, they will understand to value their opinions of their Selves over anyone else’s.

Thinking back on Silas’s concerns, I can’t help but wonder when and why we begin worrying so much about what others think about us and how we are perceived–seven seems too young to lose that innocence.

We all fall victim to the same doubts and worries that crept into Silas’s mind–and my advice to anyone would be the same as I gave him.

​
See you tomorrow and keep pursuing,

JC